


The Trembling Heart of a Captive Bird

by deathishauntedbyhumans



Category: This Body's Not Big Enough for Both of Us - Edgar Cantero
Genre: Complicated Relationships, First Crush, Foster Care, Letters, Other, Post-Canon, Wordcount: 100-1.000, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-14 04:51:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20595002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathishauntedbyhumans/pseuds/deathishauntedbyhumans
Summary: Ursula writes Kimrean (ie,Zooey) a letter.





	The Trembling Heart of a Captive Bird

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Roberta Flack’s _The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face_.

Dear Zooey-

I know that you’re never actually going to read this letter, but my therapist (her name is Annie and you would hate her) keeps telling me to journal about how I’m feeling and I refuse to do anything she tells me to do, so I’m doing this instead. My foster parents are downstairs because it’s “quiet time,” and my foster brother (their actual son, not a foster kid like me) is taking a nap, because apparently that’s something that fourteen-year-old boys do now. 

The foster system sucks, by the way. The therapy is dumb and my foster parents pretend like they understand me when they don’t and everyone treats me like I’m some kind of idiot. You were the only person who ever understood me, Zooey, and I know why you had to leave, but it’s not fair that you left me alone to deal with this. 

Adrian, close your eye for this part, okay? 

I love you. Everything is all messy and weird in my head, and sometimes I try to imagine what it would be like to have another whole person inside of it and go even crazier than I already am when I do, but I know that I love you. And I know that it’s wrong, too, because I’m only twelve now, and that’s too young to be in love and MUCH too young to be in love with you. I know the way the world works. 

But you deserve to know it, I think. Even if I get over it in another year, or even if I never do and I go on loving you forever even if we never meet each other again, you should know that I love you. (You’re never going to read this, so you won’t know it, but I wish you would so I could stop thinking about you all the time and go on with my own life instead.) You treated me so kindly and you were there when I needed you, and that’s the biggest part of this that’s unfair, because I still need you and you can’t be here anymore. 

I want to throw this pen against the wall, but if I do that I might wake Devin up, and he gets angry when he’s awoken from his naps. 

I don’t miss my father very often, and I miss my half-brothers even less. But I miss you every single day. I miss you so much, Zooey. (I even miss Adrian, a little bit. He can open his eye again, now, by the way. I’m done with being sad and sappy.) If there was any way we could ever see each other again, just for a second or two, I think I’d be so happy that I would explode. 

Going to a regular school has been alright. I don’t have a lot of friends, but a boy named Anish sits with me at lunch and tells me about the TV shows he watches when his parents are asleep. Sometimes a few other people sit with us, too. It’s more than I ever had before, so I guess I should be happy. 

I hope you’re doing okay, wherever you are. If you get hurt again and don’t tell me I’ll be so, so angry at you. 

(Sorry, Adrian.) I love you. I miss you. Come back into my life someday or I’ll die of sadness and haunt you as a spooky ghost. 

My foster-mom just knocked on my door. She made snacks, so I have to go downstairs. I’m going to wrap this letter up now and hide it in my sock drawer forever. 

Love, 

Ursy

**Author's Note:**

> Before anyone @s me, I know that Zooey/Ursula is problematic, and I don’t think Zooey would ever allow it to progress anywhere near something dangerous. HOWEVER, that doesn’t change the fact that Ursula is eleven and coping with a Huge Crush for possibly the first time in her life, and if canon can acknowledge that, then I can, too. 
> 
> Kids have Big Feelings because they’ve never Felt their feelings before!!! Ursula _Feels_ so much!!! She baby!!! 
> 
> Kudos/comments are love! Come scream at me on tumblr @deathishauntedbyhumans.


End file.
